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Sunday, July 31, 2005

Yes, As A Matter Of Fact I Do Like Girls

This entire post sponsored by the Reverend Brandy.

Particularly her post "The Spank Bank"

Her story reminded me of an old story I thought I'd share. But to do so requires some exposition about me. So here goes.

A lot of people (mostly guys) who meet me for the first time think I'm gay. I don't know if it's how anal retentive I am about dressing and color coordination or if it's that fact that I have so many friends that are women. I don't know if it's the fact that I enjoy some musical theater or the fact that I can pick out a good wine when asked. Most of them know that I am straight, but make jokes to the contrary all the time. Because my shoes and belt are the same color. Because I treat women like human beings. Because I've seen Phantom Of The Opera 10 plus times. Because I've been wine tasting numerous times without being forced. Because I like to shop and have more shoes than most women. Because I am not the frat boy-beer chugging-misogynistic-stereotype male. I must be gay, right?

Now couple that with my sincere love of people watching. I LOVE to go out and watch people at the mall or restaurants or whatever. People truly astound me. It's usually because of what they are wearing. It amazes me what so many people think is acceptable to leave the house in. There are so many people with simply ghastly personal hygiene. I always say that I am WAY more concerned about appearance and hygiene than most people, but there are some people that simply have to be stopped. It's just nasty.

Which leads me to my old story.

At the old firm where I used to work I had a lot of girl friends. We used to go out to lunch all the time. Now, when these lunches took place during the summer, the real fun would begin. You see, my girl friends from the old firm were very attractive. They were 3 different body types, but each was very attractive. When summer rolled around, they'd be dressed in mini-skirts and tank tops and sun dresses and halter tops and what not and that's when the sharks would really start to circle.

So what I would do is hang back from them as we went where ever it was we were going for lunch. I had some of the most fun I have ever had watching guys literally going into seizures as the 3 girlies would walk past them. They'd stop and gawk. They'd pat each other on the back and point. They'd wolf whistle. They'd turn the other way and pretend to bump into them to start a conversation. I'm telling you it was amazing the affect they had on guys. If there was two or more guys, it seemed like it was some sort of genetic predilection that they had to make some sort of scene over the girls.

Now, please do not misunderstand me. I adore women. There have been many times when I have been stopped in my track by a beautiful woman. But, there is a difference between that and launching into the idiot vaudeville routine I've seen so many other guys fall into when a head of blond hair and a set of boobs walks by. I guess I look at a beautiful woman like any other wonderful experience in life. It is meant to be savored, not slathered with drool and bravado. And if you feel uncontrollably compelled to tell a woman she is the most beautiful creature you have ever seen, you can do so without the smarm of a balding used car salesman.

Had I been in a graduate program for sociology, this could have been my master's thesis. "The Female Form's Affect On The Male Pack Mentality". That would have been good times.


At 11:44 AM, Blogger ZooooM said...

He's not kidding. He has a LOT of shoes. And he matches better than I do.

At 3:25 PM, Blogger Rev. Brandy said...

I am thrilled and honored to have sponsored/inspired your post. Thank you so much for enjoying the Spank Bank --- I have yet to be bored telling that little story. As a matter of fact, I think I have told every single person I know (wedding couples/family members and attendees aside) since being told by my buddy, T. I think it's the funniest thing, ever.

And C., now more than ever, I know that you and Z. and me and mine are all separated at birth or kindred spirits or what not. You are a white twin of my brother-in-law, Dr. Peter Benton. He's definitely metro, and proud of his sensibilities.

Amen to the men who not only appreciate good footwear but spend their money on it! More power to you!

At 2:42 PM, Blogger theresa said...

Zoooom's right. You are practically perfect in every way. Come-on, be a good sport and show me the way to your planet. I want to meet someone like you too.


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