The Cure For Anorexia

I'm probably going to catch all kinds of heat for this. Both, because this is a topic charged with violent currents of political correctness and it paints me out to be all kinds of gay ("not that there's anything wrong with that" J. Seinfeld 1996).

But, in the interest of public service, I perservere. Here's to you, my beloved internet. This one's for you.

Now, before I begin, a disclaimer;

I am not a doctor. I have never been a doctor nor have I received medical training of any kind. I have never even played a doctor on TV.

Anorexia is a body consciousness issue. Those afflicted with it consistently believe that they are out of shape, fat, ugly, disproportionate etc. It does not matter how thin they get or how much they exercise, they always see themselves in a warped funhouse mirror. They cannot escape their own false conception of themselves.

Here's the simple solution.







Wait for it.







Join a gym. It's not for the reason you think. It has nothing to do with exercise or weight management. It's the elixir to all your confidence issues.

Wanna get over your poor self image? Wanna see yourself in a brand new healing light? Wanna see that no matter how much you let yourself go, YOU ARE STILL MORE ATTRACTIVE/COORDINATED/HYGIENIC THAN A SUBSTANTIAL PORTION OF THOSE AROUND YOU.

Maybe it's just me. Maybe my gym is just the Leper Colony of Orange County and I just didn't know it. It's just that I have seen things that have almost driven me into therapy. I've seen creatures that could carry a 3 picture horror movie franchise. I went to the gym because I started to dislike me. I wanted to look better naked (L. Burnham 2001). It took paying for and going to the gym to make me see that I really wasn't the sloth I thought I was. I still need to lose weight and get my butt/heart in shape, but the self image is in a much better place now. MUCH MUCH better place.

And finally, to the innumerable Yeti's I'm forced to share a shower with at said gym, could you seriously do something about your shag carpeting body hair? Seriously take a look in the mirror Chewbacca. There are treatments and places you can go. It's just not right. If I have to get into a shower one more time and it looks like Napoleon Dynamite is lodged in the shower drain, I may have to take a hostage.

Further, pubic hair needs to be attended to. It is not free range foliage that you just let go. Like that hair on your head, it grows and needs attention. Because again, if I get into the shower once more with a guy that looks like he's got a Pomeranian in a leg lock, you may read about it in the papers.