Welcome To The Swank New Hotel Geriatric Asshat

So we got new neighbors on the lower floor of our office. We occupy the entire top floor above this particular floor and about 2/3 of the floor beneath.

So we have to share with whatever tenant wants whatever parcel of space that remains on this lower floor. This firm moved into a suite on the floor that took up the remaining part of this lower floor.

So, to recap, we occupy 2/3 of the floor, they occupy 1/3 of the floor. Everyone follow?

I don't know what business they conduct, but from the looks of the suits from the new suite, it has to have something to do with Geritol testing or "Murder She Wrote/Matlock" focus groups. The plebeian employees are all fairly young, but the muckity mucks are all fossils.

Anyway...

It takes them a week or so to move in to their newly remodeled gaudy Roman porn palace, but when they finally get settled in the fun starts.

The first thing they did was to put up a shiny new brass sign in front of the doors to our suite that says "Restrooms" with an arrow pointing down the hall.

Now here's my problems with this; First, no one said you could stake your shiny idiot marker in front of an office you do not own or occupy. Second, it's not like this floor is some sort of Herculean death maze. There is one main hallway that connects both suites and the bathroom. If your idiot employees or clients are too daft to know that our suite is not the bathroom, there is a good chance that a sign pointing down the hall is not going to get them to the can either. Your best bet is to put up a series of signal flares or electric theater floor lights to get these wizards to the john. Couple that with the fact that these simpletons you are trying to direct to the loo are more likely to stop and drool over the shine-o-city of your sign than to continue on to relieve themselves. Lastly, how unbelievably lazy are you to not be able to muster enough the four simple words "It's Down The Hall".

The second thing they did was to stock the shared bathroom on this floor up with all the smarmy crap you find in those uppity hotels and restaurant bathrooms. You know, hand lotion, hair spray, mouthwash, silver spoons etc..

Now here's my problem with this; This is not the Plaza. This is not Spago. This is not 1935 Hollywood. What men still wear/use hair spray!? What poor suck from their firm is given the job of making sure all the toiletry bric-a-brac is stocked up!? "Yes Tony, welcome aboard, you'll be in charge of opening the mail, making copies, sending out faxes and making sure there is an ample supply of breath mints and moist wipeys in the men's crapper".

Now, because these monkeys also occupy an entire floor higher in the building, I have myself a little Nancy Drew moment and go up there and see if they have the same arrangement of stupid there. Turns out they don't. They have a flat screen TV in their lobby, but no toilet gift baskets. Which means, the main floor spurned these tools and cast them down to the depths of our floor. Thanks a pantload for that.

And before I forget, don't even get me started on bathroom attendants. I cannot think of a more pointless and degrading job. "Thank God you were here Tito or I'd have had no clue how to turn the faucet on, let alone where to go for a towel to dry my hands." I don't even want to talk to my friends in a public bathroom let alone some random uniformed "there to help me with me post-potty needs" stranger.

If I ever get to work and there is a bathroom attendant here, you'll read about it in the papers.