Why It Is So Very Hard To Be Me

So I'm hankering for a late day snack. Like I always am. My body is like a finely tuned watch. It needs food a very specific times, otherwise hostages start getting taken.

Anyway, I digress.

I'd forgotten my usual bring from home snack for this particular day, so I was forced to safari my way through the vending machine jungle. I gathered up $1 in change to make sure I could cover whatever bit of cleverly wrapped chocolate I might fancy. I started looking in the machine on our floor. Didn't feel moved by anything in it.

I went downstairs to the lobby to see what they had. They had Twix. Case closed. But now, a dilemma. If I had a Twix and it's corresponding chocolate, I'd have to have milk. Despite the lame commercials, it is true. If you have chocolate, you have to have milk. It's like guilt and communion.

So here's the problem, I have a buck, but a Twix is 55 cents and a milk is 60 cents. I needs more change, but I am too lazy to skulk back upstairs for the extra coinage. I check the change return thingies on all machines. Score! 10 extra centavos! I'm still short 5 cents. I then look around on the floor for any orphaned coins. No dice. I go outside to ask the kind guard for a Lincoln head, but before I can, a co-worker walks by and I ask him. He has no change, but offers me a dollar. Before I can take his loaner dollar the guard offers up the 5 cents. Score again! So I give back the dollar, give thanks to all and head back to the machine.

I start to load in all my change, but as I get to the last two frigging nickels, I drop two of them and one rolls underneath the machine. Lost forever in the same place all the socks from the dryer go. So, of course I am 5 cents short again.

So, I brave the possible case of tetanus and bend down to check for the lost coin. I don't find it, but I find a lost dime. I pop the dime in the machine and get the milk and have 5 new cents to pay the guard back with.

Ultimately, I waste about 30 minutes and break even. Well, I did come away with the Twix, the milk, dirty knees and a dirty hand. I guess that's not too bad.

The truly ironic thing is that I just got back from Vegas this weekend, yet had to wait until I got back to work to fight with money and a frigging machine to end up breaking even.

I should have stayed in bed.