How The United States Navy Almost Killed Me

So I'm driving down the 5 freeway south heading to San Diego. It's mid-morning so the traffic is mild. It is a clear day and visibility is very good. I have just passed the giant concrete nuclear breasts of San Onofre when it happens.

Something that really scared me more than I think it probably should have. But is scared the crap out of me nonetheless.

If you've ever driven this particular stretch of sometimes-freeway (everything they say about Southern California freeways is true - they are congested with cause-less traffic ALL THE LIVELONG DAY - the only time you can really drive anywhere on a freeway and not be driven to tears is the early morning hours - I cannot tell you how many times I have flailed about how mentally retarded the early developers/planners of Southern California must have been - "Why don't we make the freeways to all the big cities like LA only two lanes. Because any city or area that is constantly 70 degrees, never has rain and is close to the beach, will never be popular enough to warrant anything wider?" - nice job dipsticks - but anyway, I digress) you know that after you pass the fission reactor boobies, the 5 freeway bends along the coast and you get a great and unobstructed look at the ocean. This is also where all the Camp Pendleton jarheads go to practice making with the shooting and warring and stuff. There's almost always helicopters or tanks or battleships moving around and preparing the next batch of teenagers on how to make with the fighting.

What there has never been, until this day, was a nuclear submarine surfacing right off shore.

So me and a group of about 15 to 20 cars are driving along and we come to the photo spot bend in the freeway and this huge frigging Hunt For Red October submarine just pops up out of the water. I wish you could have seen the collective marshmallow in your grandma's jello jiggle affect it had on all of us. We all wigged out at the same time in the same amount. Just enough so you'd notice. It's just not something you EVER see.

After the "Sweet Christ, Nessie has found her way to Southern California!" shock wore off, it became very very cool. I'd never seen that before in real life. It was amazing how it went from being completely invisible to right there in front of you. It was very cool to witness.

Well, at least until a shirtless 300 pound Jabba The Hut with a body-hair sweater pulled up next to me. Then I just needed a shower.